The American Condition

Cram. Cram. Cram. Then, cram some more. That's our style of travel. We try to do as much as possible with the time we have while on vacation or holiday. We tend not to focus on one thing. Instead, we attempt to do everything but oftentimes experience nothing. I blame it on Corporate America not doling out fair vacation time. Two weeks? Come on. That's why we rush stuff. We feel we need to so we get the most out of our short time. Plus, we also have that angst of, "Well, when will I get back to this side of the world again?" It's a conundrum.

I'm guilty of this, too. Even on this trip. Yesterday I struggled with a few different trip options. Stay in Chiang Dao and do a 3-day elephant/bamboo raft trek. Race down to Ko Samet island. Or, make my way to Cambodia. The last two requiring a 15-hr bus or train ride to either destination. Cramming stuff in before flying to Nepal. Instead, I walked to the monastery pictured below and decided to stay focused and get the most out of one experience. I'm now back in Chiang Mai at the Muay Thai boxing camp. The only downside now is, my flight to Nepal was canceled and the other air carrier is full. Need to figure out another way to get there.

Nevertheless, I had a revelation...a new philosophy on travel..that I hope will keep me happy when faced with multiple decisions: Don't regret the places you miss, only be grateful for the places you visit. After all, you can't do everything.

Jungle Monastery

This is my favorite Thai Buddhist temple...Tham Pha Nom. It's perched high on this jungle mountain and the main temple is actually a cave. They also have a number of inspirational signs on the way to the top. You could hear the ringing of their bells calling the monks to prayer from my bungalow at night.

Buddha

Motorscooter Diaries

...And we race together, we can ride forever...

My buddy Chris Stewart said it best, "Whoa, dude, don't ever confuse a moped for a scooter. A moped you straddle. A scooter looks like you're cruising down the street sitting on a toilet." So, given his caustic outlook on the scooter, how do you make a 125cc Honda Wave with a wire basket look tough? Easy. Ride that bitch solo to the Burmese border while the junta is running amok.

Kiew Pha No, that's the name of the border town I rode to the other day after renting my flashy red motorbike. It's like any rural border town where the opium and heroin trade used to flourish. You have the tired old remnants of a refugee camp and soldiers tooling around in humvees. According to most sources here in Chiang Dao, only the drug cartels can afford humvees so I more or less was weaving my way through some nefarious activities on a dirt road en route to the checkpoint. I kept my visor down and my tan is on par with the local coloring so I felt fairly safe. It's my immense size, though, that's the giveaway. Oh, and the Lonely Planet Thailand guide book in the wire basket.

The great thing about having the scooter was all of the freedom I had to explore random roads and villages. Lots of rutted dirt roads where I had to Fred Flintstone down the steeper parts. But more often than not I was rewarded with great views or a hidden Buddhist Wat that was off the map.

Yesterday, I went in search of more hilltribe villages including the Karen Longneck. Unbeknownst to me, I actually rode right by their village and down a treacherous jungle path that eventually carried me back to the main road. I ended paying a guide 500 baht today to essentially take me exactly where I went yesterday. Stupid, I know. But at least today, I got to talk to some of the villagers and take pictures.

Now it's back to Chiang Mai and possibly a side trip to Ko Samet before going to Nepal.

Leslie, tell Sammy I'm ready to make the jump fropm 125cc to 900cc. When I get home we are buying Ducati 748s.

...Wrapped in horsepower, riding into fury....

TL/4PS

Burma

Knee to the Sack

Okay, it's actually not in the nuts but square in the diaphram. It's a good way to knock the wind and spirit out of someone. That's it for me at the muay thai gym. I'm headed to Chiang Dao in the morning to stay in a hut for a few days and visit the hilltribe people. If I weren't meeting my buddy Pema in Nepal in November I'd stay in Chiang Mai and train for at least a month. It's been a great experience. Good to have some focus.

This is for my nephew James, "I Love Muay Thai Boxing!"

Muay Thai Camp

So, I'm a little bummed. I tried to send some video footage of some dudes bashing each others faces in but for some reason it didn't take. Could be that I tried to send it from my phone and it is apparently running low on memory. It would have been cool. I posted a pic instead.

Incidentals

I need to do some quick housekeeping here. First, Ajeng, thanks for the emails. The computers here act as if they are afraid of the apple.com site so it takes forever to get anything done with my mac email. Sorry for not writing back sooner.

Now, for everyone else, if you happen to find yourselves on the island of Sulawesi (Celebes) in Indonesia and you need a good driver/guide call this guy:

Robi: +62.431.330.3842

He can get you to all of Manado's neighboring hotspots in a comfortable Toyota SUV with A/C. Tell him you'll post his number on your blog and you'll get a 50 rupiah discount.

Speaking of discounts, I just screwed myself out of 100 baht and usage of a pool by switching guesthouses. I thought the one I was staying in was more expensive because I booked it through a travel agent in Bangkok but it turned out to be cheaper than the one I moved to thinking I was saving some money. Oh well, I'll probably sneak over to the pool anyway to make myself feel better about it all.

Muay Thai One On

Smile. When you are about to get your ass kicked or kick someone else's ass, your first order of business is to smile. I've been a big fan of the smile for a long time. Smiling's relaxing and confidence-building powers were more than evident when I was traveling through Europe by myself. That was the one major thing that I learned from that entire trip. You may not have had any sleep, know the language, possess the right currency, or have the foggiest idea of where you are going but if you smile and chalk it up as an adventure your fortunes begin to change.

So, I don't know why it came as a surprise to me today when I stepped into the Lanna Muay Thai Boxing Gym and was doing some drills when my trainer took it upon himself to knock me in the head and said, "Smile." Apparently, I was too tense and exhausting unnecessary energy. According to him, smiling loosens you up and let's the movements flow. You punch and kick harder and you absorb strikes better. Plus, if you get into a scrap on the street and you smile before things turn south it messes with the other guy's head and they oftentimes think twice about continuing down a violent path with you. So, for you ladies, smile when confronted but go ahead and punch them in the throat for good measure. It will keep you grinning when filing that police report.

I'm off to find some food...and ice. My right foot is swollen and my left is bruised but I'm going back to the gym tomorrow because it's one of those good kinds of pain.

Enjoy your day, everyone. Make things simple...smile.

I'm a Giant

I'm clearly averaging about 5 feet more bone and flesh than your standard Thai or Indonesian person. For me, that means lots of banging my head into undersized door frames and bus ceilings. They, the little people, get a big kick out of it until I actually throw the gorilla chest in their face and then they graciously offer such advice as "lower head, this made for us." Insert image of someone squeezing their index finger and thumb together.

More Fun with Language

I've decided since I have and will butcher every foreign language I come across, I should at least offer some advice to those who mess up good ol' mother English. Simply because people are quick to correct and laugh at me. By comparison, English is very difficult to learn and one thing I've noticed is that all ESL folk make the same mistakes. Here are my two current favorite examples of common mistakes:

To all of the gracious people who work in a foodservice industry as a server, when your entire inventory of chicken as been completely depleted due to prior distribution and consumption it's appropriate to say, "No More Chicken" or "Out of Chicken." It's not okay to say, "Chicken Finished." That just makes it sound like the chicken is washing up and going home for the evening after a long day of dishing out the slop. "That's the end of my shift, people. This big pecker has left the building."

To all of the scamming cabbies in Bangkok, when you are lying about the functionality of your meter, it's fine to simply say, "Meter No Worky" or "Meter Broke." Under no circumstance has your "Meter Had an Accident." If that were really the case, then all of the meters in all of the cabs in all of Patpong have collectively wet themselves and short-circuited. Highly doubtful.

Alright then, that's the English lesson for the day. Now it's time for me to go garble through some Thai greetings.

Big Dinner for a Little Guy

After a mad dash into the jungle with Ajeng, I was able to take this split second shot of one the world's smallest monkeys getting ready to chomp off the head of grasshopper he caught. He lept from this spot moments later making it even more difficult to get another good shot of him.

Mt. Bromo at Dawn

I took this photo after coming down from Mt. Bromo to see the sunset. Fog and dust had settled in the valley below. There were also horseback riders wearing bandanas because air was thick from nearby volcano activity. They would emerge out of the dust like ghostly bandits and ride next to our landcruiser. The pic of them is haunting and epic but there's something about this one here that illustrates the area's harsh reality.

Funny Pronunciations

"Attention all pahssingers, 'Jina Airlines is now boarding, Gate Twerve. 'Jina Airlines, Gate Twerve." Wait a minute, there's actually a vagina airlines here? Are you kidding me? Asia is awesome. Oh, China Airlines. Sorry.

"Herro radies and gentremen, wherecome to the Bangkok tampon tour." Whoa, are we on the wrong bus? I thought this was a temple tour. "Yes, today we will see rargest gorden tampon and jade buddha tampon." Okay, that was from the first time I was in Bangkok with Barrett. But we laughed like idiots and it still makes me crack up.

Flux Capacitors are Overrated

Many of you have emailed or called me with the same question: "Hey, what time is it there?" Well, the truth just might blow your mind. But the fact of the matter is, I'm in the future. Yes, 12 full hours ahead of everyone back home. Now, if you are my Dad, you've asked me ridiculous questions such as: "So, it's already Saturday there? Hmmmm, oh, who wins the OU-Texas game?" Well, you don't need to be living in the future to know the answer to that one. History is a solid indicator when it comes to that outcome.

Nevertheless, it has got me thinking about the time/space continuum and quantum physics. Especially, after jumping not just 12 hours ahead but 15 hours ahead at one point...and then back to 12. Imagine that, being so far ahead in the future that I can actually travel back in time and still be ahead of you all. There was even a time when I landed at the exact same time I took off but had been flying for one hour. Time warps are hardly as inconspicuous as one might think. They're pretty blatant around these parts. Must be a SE Asia phenomenon.

Alright, feel free to send me betting and/or lottery inquiries. I'll only charge a small commission and will expect referrals.

Ajeng...Tom

So, if you've been reading along you've seen pics and read stories about my friend Ajeng who was my host through Indonesia. Depending on who we were talking to I had the good fortune of posing as her husband/former boss/bodyguard/crazy bald guy/Mr. Kodok/stupid American friend. Not only did she plan an exciting, full-on Indonesian experience, she also gave me a card that I wanted to respond to here on the ol' blog:

First and foremost, Ajeng, as far as I'm concerned you never have to apologize on behalf of your country for any foul or offensive incidents because there were none. Yes, Hari was a bit corrupt but a lot of fun and as you know had "many good ideas, yes?!"

And yes, I believe it's time to start thinking less and feeling more. You and your family provided a ton of inspiration to get up each morning with the intent of living a full and happy life. From your grandma's boundless energy and compulsion to make me eat cow hoof (which I did) to your parents/extended families' unyielding hospitality to the amazing stories of your granddad to your Auntie's obession with me (who isn't)...my time in Indo was a turning point for me.

That's the great thing about traveling. It's life in super concentrated doses. Some days you're totally focused. Other days you're completely lost. The bonds you make with others are intense and immediate. The altercations are measurably the same. You see nature and humanity in all its glory. You see depression and depravity. There are moments of great spiritual revelation. There are moments of despair. Then there are the times when you are funny as hell. Followed by times you find yourself getting fined for being "wildly inappropriate." Some nights you sleep in 4 star hotels. Other nights you cozy up on a park bench. There are even days when you sit with Buddhist monks during afternoon prayers/chants. And days when you can't seem to find your way out of the red light district.

So, thanks Ajeng. It was an amazing time.

Same goes for my buddy Tom in Australia. Who, being the good mate that he is, took surfing lessons with me even though it could have tarnished his image as a Aussie. He also helped me break free of the domesticated shell I was in with some great runs/swims down the Penrith Olympic Whitewater Course. And of course, his friends that were always up for a drink or some rugby talk.

Good world....

Out of Indonesia

Alright, so I've made my way to Bangkok and found a 24 hour internet cafe where they boast recliners that have clearly been picked up in various alleyways behind the homes of obese gamers that burned through the armrests and blew out the seat cushions with endless hours of seemingly epic WoW battles. You geeks no what I'm talking about. How much for a dwarf priest?

I'm also here without my notes, so this update will be totally scattershot because it's 2 a.m. and I'm coming down from a very thorough massage and an insane tuk-tuk ride with a lost driver...my brain is, well, drained. But here it goes. I spent several days with Ajeng's grandmother's driver who picked me up in Surabaya and drove me to Malang to meet up with another uncle. We then drove to Mt. Bromo to catch the sunrise. Hmmmm. Now that I think about it, I wrote about that right? Too lazy to go back and reread other blog entries. Anyway, I went to Yogiakarta and visited Bodobudur and Prambanan temples. One Buddhist. The other Hindu. I had a whacked out guide named Hari who deserves his own entry, so more on his crazy ass later.

I eventually met back up with Ajeng and we flew to the island of Sulawesi just east of Borneo. We stayed in the town of Manado and hired a local boat captain to take us out to Bunaken to go snorkeling in the surrounding reefs. It was also the end of Ramadan so the nighttime celebrations were a spectacle of motorbikes and scooters and bad hip hop music on parade. The next day we visited a local market where the butchers were carving up everything from wild boars to bats to dogs. Yes, dogs. Needless to say, we skipped lunch and visited the infamous Japanese caves. They were built by Indonesian soldiers under force by Japanese invaders. The soldiers where then killed and the caves were later used by the Japanese to hide after Allied Forces landed. It's not a happy place, to say the least. However, we did venture inside where Ajeng and I heard school kids singing. But...there's no school nearby and it was in a different language than Indonesian. Oh, and I our driver who was with us didn't hear jackshit. FREAKY.

The only way to follow that up was to go to Love Hill a special monument with shrines and temples and churches for all the world's major religions. We climbed 500+ steps to reach the cross at the top. We then promptly went to an ancient cemetery where the bodies where buried in the fetal position above ground in carved stone boxes. Come to think of it, that was a bizarre day. We did finish the evening with a mad dash into the jungle to see the smallest monkeys in the world which are indeginous to Sulawesi and Borneo. So, that was cool and not so creepy. I'm sure Ajeng would disagree seeing as we had to hike out of the jungle in the pitch black with our guide stopping to show us tarantulas along the way.

Then it was back to Jakarta where I left Ajeng once again so she could go to work and I could go rafting with her entire family. Which by the way, qualifies for family of the year. They really go above and beyond to be gracious hosts. We stayed outside of this town called Sukabumi in huts along a river I need my notes to remember.

This is getting insane. I really want to share specific stories but find myself short on time and just travelogging. Please be patient...I'll get to some musings soon. I need to go to bed now. Thanks for all of the emails and for keeping up with the blog. So far I've made $11.67 off the ads. That's like 5 cases of beer here in Bangkok.

Quick Update

I actually have a lot to write about since the last update. However, I'm in some serious need of immodium and sleep so this is going to be short. I'm still in Jakarta. I moved my flight to Bangkok for tomorrow. But once there I should have the opportunity to post some pics and more stories. If anyone has tried to call me on my cell phone and left a message, I apologize for not calling you back. Not only have I switched to a local SIM card but my T-Mobile SIM won't let me dial into voicemail. The best way to reach me is by email. More soon....

Bajaj

Apparently, only God and the driver knows when he'll turn or where you'll end up. For 2000 rupiah you go where fate takes you...and you like it.

bacek

Here's a lazy ass bacek driver. Okay, so maybe he's resting. After pedaling people around in 100% humidity I might take a nap, too.

Kacek dancers

A traditional kacek dance performance at Uluwatu temple at sunset. Crazed monkeys stole the glasses off of Ajeng's uncle's face and a local boy bribed the monkey with a candy bar to hand them back. Good times with temple wildlife.

frogger

Here's a pic of Ajeng's niece and nephew. I gave them toy frog that ribbits and lights up. Kodok is frog in Indonesian. So kodok kodok was a game we played where you hide the frog and they guess which hand it was in. Mr. Kodok, that's what they ended up calling me.

Indo-in-an-instant

First off, no photos because Indonesia has no WiFi. However, where they are short on bandwith and technology they are long on culture and general traffic mayhem. I've been traveling with my friend Ajeng...for those at RMG, that's AJENG THANKYOUSOMUCH <____>. At any rate, she and her family have gone to great lengths to welcome me and show me around. After, a brief stint in Jakarta with her parents we flew to Bali where we took in a Barong & Kris Dance, visited Trunyan...a remote village cemetery along the shores of the biggest lake in Bali where bodies of the dead our laid (not buried) around a special tree that absorbs all of the odor and is actually fragrant, it's apparently the only tree of its kind in the world, 8 bodies were there lying in bamboo-styled cribs and skulls of prior departed where lined up near the tree...then we went to Basekih temple, the largest in Bali where we prayed in the main Hindu temple area with our guide. It has a number of temples to different gods including Wisnu, the god of water and overall good guy. Protector they call him.

We followed that up with a morning boogie board session at Dream Land surfing beach. Then a stop to watch the sunset at Uluwatu temple where Kecak dancers were performing.

I'm currently in Malang with one of her other uncles where we just took a ride on a giant tricycle taxi called a becak. They're banned in Jakarta. So that's cool. Then off to Mt. Bhromo tonight at 11 p.m. to start a 3 a.m. climb to the top to watch the sunrise.

I've got a lot more to write but I'm short on time. That, I've been thinking about what this blog is actually about. Musings? Or, a travelogue? I've got some musings when I have more time...so, stay tuned.

Opera House

Okay, I lied. Here's another pic from Sydney.

Essex

One last post from Australia. Harbour Bridge from the wharf after a walk down Essex St. near the Rocks.

I've decided American tourists get a far worse rap than deserved. Other folks are much more pushy and rude. Not going to name any names but it rhymes with Korea.

It's Alive

But it looks like it wants to puke. Okay, so I cheated a bit and went to Torango Zoo. There I saw all the live wildlife I'd been missing. That, and 2 elephants doing it. At $44 it was a pricey peep show.

Photos Finally

As you all can see I managed to get my cell working properly and posted more photos. The first is from aclub called Gaff. It's a huge party on Tuesday night. Coyote Tuesday they call it. It's a complete knock off but fun. Except for the European guys that would rather go gay than yield any space on the dance floor.

The other photo is a guardian gnome and his pet stuffed cow. They keep watch over this homeless guy's tarp abode in the cliff rocks along the coastal walk from Bondi to Bronte.

Thirdly, my surf day at Bondi Beach. Big waves but fairly choppy with random breaks.

Animal Noninstinct

First off, everyone type in 'Byron Bay' in the googles and then click on images. I didn't take a single photo while I was there...but I only feel marginally bad about it because I spent most of the time in the ocean getting sand and salt water in places neither really belongs. There are some good pics in the google image library that should give you a pretty good idea of what the place looks like.

Byron is the most easterly land mass point of Australia. The beach is long and expansive and usually has really good surfing. However, it's a little low right now so boogey boards were the surf toy of choice. That, and kayaks. I took a 4-hour kayak tour around the cape about a mile and a half out to sea. The water was chock full of jellyfish the size of genetically-modified portabella mushrooms. They weren't the box jelly variety but still pack a stiff punch if stung. The wind was at a minimum so that allowed us to paddle further out to catch multiple whale sightings. Three male humpback whales were breaching about 1/4 mile away from us. You could hear them spout the water through their blowholes and watch them dive back in and slam their tails on the swells. That was followed up by two dolphins swimming about 40 yards in front of us as we paddled back into the beach.

Later that afternoon I hitched a ride back to Sydney with the guys I had been bunking with and yet another Finnish girl. Those chicks get around. During the drive I realized that I had yet to see a kangaroo, a koala bear, a wombat or a native-born Australian. I mean really, who goes to Australia and doesn't see a kangaroo? It was like when I went to Pamplona and almost missed seeing a bull. Well, as good fortune would have it I did see a kangaroo in the wild. And a wombat. Unfortunately for them, both were road kill on the Pacific Highway. The kangaroo was massive though.

Still haven't seen a koala. But heard the folklore of the Drop Bears. It's a widely circulated story of koala bears dropping out of trees on to cars or other forms of transporation and then attacking people. Apparently, this was told to kids to keep them from going into the scrub at night. The true story is that when koalas die they tend to fall out of the trees they live in. And sometimes, they drop on people and passing cars. Drop Bears. Australians aren't super creative when it comes to nicknaming things. They're pretty straightforward.

Needless to say, after seeing a dead kangaroo and wombat on the side of the road we began driving with the sunroof open in hopes of catching our own Drop Bear. It just seemed destined to happen.